So my wife has a blog of her own. She told me she had made a recent entry. So I checked it out. While there, I was scanning down over previous entries to see if anyone had made any new comments. And of course I came across an entry dated August 11th - the day after she had met with the other guy.
This entry came before 9:00 in the morning. And she mentioned me in the entry as well - in a positive light. I don't know why, but that really saddens me. Here she was writing about me, less than 10 hours after having cheated on me by meeting this guy. And (this is hard to convey in words) it's as if she doesn't have a care in the world - like the events of a few hours earlier were no big deal.
And then I see a comment written by a friend of hers - a friend who just happens to be the wife of my best friend. I mentioned her earlier in this blog. My wife told her about everything back on August 17th. This was the day after our big talk where she told me everything she'd been going through - with the exception of meeting this guy. But she told her about the guy. She made her promise not to say anything to her husband about it. But come on. That gossip is too good to withhold. I'm sure she told him. And now that makes me feel even worse.
Over the past year-and-a-half or so, my wife and I have been involved with several blogs. And on occasion, I have raved about how wonderful my wife is, and how great our marriage is. And both my friend and his wife have seen these entries. But now I feel as if I can't ever talk like that again. Because I know that if I said something like that, he'd be thinking to himself, "Well... I don't know about that..." And that sucks! It's not like I see him all that often anyway. But we still communicate via E-mail fairly regularly. But it's to the point now where I don't know if I even want to see him - just because I don't know if I'd feel comfortable around him. Knowing what he most likely now knows, is very, very embarrassing to me.
As mentioned earlier, my wife has another friend who she told all this stuff too. This friend knew of everything as it was happening. I guess I'm really bothered by the fact that this particular friend apparently never once suggested to my wife that she should talk about everything with me. My wife said that she chose not to tell me things, simply because she didn't want to hurt me. She wanted to figure everything out on her own (and hoped that it would all work itself out). Of course her failure to communicate with me nearly lead us to divorce court. I believe she regrets that now. But as for her friend, didn't she see a problem here? According to my wife, her friend was mostly concerned about my wife being happy - and that she should explore whatever options get her to that point. Fair enough. But man, if I was one of the major problems preventing her from being as happy as she could be, shouldn't she have at least suggested to her that maybe, just maybe, she should voice her concerns to me? I just don't get that. I'd be lying if I didn't think that a big part of me feels that she wanted her to have marriage problems, and didn't want her to patch things up with me. Why? Because this woman has been having severe marriage problems of her own, and had decided to get a divorce herself. Perhaps she wanted to be a kindred spirit with my wife - two friends in similar situations.
Now, back to the other friend - the wife of my longtime best friend. According to my wife, she too had a similar reaction to finding out about the other guy. She was excited about the possibility - and again, wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. But did she suggest that my wife come to me and tell me about it? No. Instead, she decided to bemoan my faults as well. I should point out that this woman has GREATLY UNFAIRLY judged me in the past for a variety of reasons that I don't need to get into here. As if she needed any other reasons not to like me. Now she has this.
Am I really that bad of a guy that two of my wife's friends seem to be perfectly ok with her cheating on me, and leaving me?
My wife also told her mother too. Although I believe in her case, she was very vague about specifics, and didn't make any mention of the other guy.
Why do I still hurt so much? Everything is fine now. Our marriage is great. But will this pain ever go away?
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