I broke down last night. Unfortunately, I did it in bed, with my wife right next to me. I turned into a blubbering fool. I just hurt so bad, and everything just decided to flood out at that moment. I felt like shit for losing it in front of her. And she feels she's to blame - which in turn makes her feel like shit. So there we are, two lost fish in a sea of shit.
My immediate thought is that I'm going to lose her - which is the last thing I want to happen. But how long can she put up with me being so sad and depressed all the time? She may feel sorry for me now. But after awhile, that's going to get old.
I feel that I've lost my "fun" - my silliness. But I am confident that it will come back. I had two months of healing. And things were slowly getting better. Now I need to start all over again. So be it. Five days down, 55 days to go. This all has to stop. I keep telling myself, "This will pass."
I feel good today. In fact, after that crying session, I felt a lot better. I'm not a cryer by nature. But I think I'd been saving that up inside of me all week. Tonight my wife and I are going to go out and have some fun - something we rarely get to do. We're both looking forward to it. And it's something we really need.
1 comment:
I'm so, so sorry but there is hope. I caught your post about this on another website and it linked to this blog. Please check out
http://www.marriagebuilders.com
Read all the site material and you can also post your story on the forum. I'd suggest the General Questions board as it deals primarily with infidelity. You'll get support to recover not only your marriage but YOURSELF. It will all work out, really. You can do this!
Trust me... with a solid plan, you can recover your happy marriage. It won't be the same marriage but a NEW one, one built on a stronger foundation than the old. I do wish you the best and will keep an eye out for you, Karen
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