MY LETTER TO THE OTHER GUY

Yesterday I wrote about how I was angry with this other guy, and wanted to fuck with him in E-mails or on Myspace. (The guy has three separate Myspace accounts!) But I won't do that. I should point out that I did write him a letter though. I wrote it back on August 26th. I just felt impelled to say a few things to him. I wanted to get my feelings out - even though I had no plans to ever send it to him - and still don't.

I told my wife I was writing the letter. And she read it. She thought it was creepy. I agreed. That was my intent, to creep him out, to put a scare into him. I wanted him to know everything I knew about him - which I must admit, was quite a lot. I used all of my internet powers to find out anything and everything I could about him. So some of this letter may not make sense, as I've never mentioned some of the details here in this blog. I've X'ed out some names and places, in order to protect the anonymity of everyone involved.

So the letter is copied below. Again, please note that I would never, ever send a letter like this. But nonetheless, this is what I was feeling at the time.

_________________________________________________


Hello XXXXXX,

I feel it's time that you and I get acquainted, considering everything XXXXXX's told me about you.

Trying to get involved with a married woman is really kind of weird, isn't it? I'm surprised that a nice "XXXXXX Christain single" like yourself would do such a thing. Certainly there must be some sort of moral code against that, isn't there?

I hear you were kind of freaked out when you heard that I not only found out about you, but I also had your cell phone number and your E-mail address. So you think you're too old to get involved with some sort of physical altercation? That's what's worrying you? For one thing, you're not even old. Being born X/XX/XX only makes you 33. That makes you younger than me.

I know that you know I called you. And had I confronted you, you would have actually claimed that you didn't know she was married? Come on now. Do you think I'm that naive? I was privy to the first few E-mail exchanges from your Craigslist ad - you know, the one where XXXXXX wrote to you, complimenting you on your XXXXXX joke, and informing you that she was indeed married. You were fully aware that I knew what she was doing. Did you think I'd forget in just a week?

Oh yes, I know a lot. I know about your time in XXXXXX. I know about XXXXXX, XXXXXX. Strange, no one has heard of XXXXXX. It's not even an official town. Yet I know about it, just like you do. I also know about XXXXXX and XXXXXX. And all sarcasm aside, I am sincerly sorry for your loss. It was lung cancer,wasn't it?

I want you to think back to your shop - last week. Think of the construction problems in the street, the torn-up sidewalk in front, the tall tables in the front window... And think about all the male customers you spoke to last week - when you were standing behind the counter, next to your female coworker. You never know who you're going to run into, do you?

I know an awful lot XXXXXX. I know your last name. I know where you live. And what I didn't know, XXXXXX filled me in on. I know everything that you talked about with her. I've seen your recent text messages, the IM's, the E-mails... I've even been shown nude photos of you. I wonder if your customers know you've been sending nude pictures of yourself across the internet.

Trying to get involved with a married woman is weird, isn't it?

Now, let's stop some of the sarcasm and snottiness. The other day you were talking on the phone with XXXXXX and you said, "Dude, you gotta get out of your marriage."

"EXCUSE ME???

First of all, don't ever address a woman by "dude" and don't use that sort of babyish tone. Maybe that's why you're not married yourself. Secondly, who in the hell do you think you are??? You've exchanged a few IM's, a few E-mails, and spent less than one hour with her. And you think you're qualified to judge her like that? You don't know ANYTHING about her! You don't know anything about her or our marriage. We have nine years invested in each other. You've got nothing.

It's time to let it go XXXXXX. Our marriage is stronger now, at this moment, than it has ever been. We have a few things to work on, sure. But we're both committed to doing that. I was inattentive. And she didn't communicate with me regarding some issues she was having. But both of those problems are being dealt with. And things are better than ever. The bottom line is that there is no place for you.

It's time to take the hint. You're being ignored. You need to move on. It was over before it ever began. Place a new ad.

XXXXXX