ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Well, I'm sick and tired of beating myself up over all of this. I'm sick of dwelling on all this negativity. It serves no purpose. I need to move on. I really do.

A few days ago, I asked my wife how she would describe these events to a friend of hers (who doesn't know about any of this) in the future - no friend in particular. She didn't really want to talk about it. She didn't know what to say, other than something like, "I guess I would just say that I thought I could make a connection with someone else."

Why did I ask her this? Why do I continue to think about this? What did I want to hear from her? Did I want her to tell her friend that it was her fault, or that she did something dumb, or that she regretted not being communicative, or that she had an exciting few days with the prospect of somebody new? I don't know. I wasn't looking for any particular answer. I was just curious. Whatever answer she gave me, would it matter?

I've read the other guy's Myspace blogs. He wrote an entry on August 26th - a day or two after the final goodbye, and a day before the truly final goodbye. He was not in a good mood. He lamented on how awful the month of August had been - losing his mother, his business suffering, and of course "losing his woman." Strange, you can't lose what you never had! All he lost was a prospect.

I think I've said all that needs to be said. I've thought all that needs to be thought. I have to try to put it all behind me and move on. I know I will still hurt. And I know I will still think about it sometimes - perhaps for a long time. But I've got to do whatever I can to let it go.

All I know is this. I can't go through this again - not like this. I won't accept this level of pain and hurt. If my wife ever gets to a point where she feels that she needs to move on from me, I can accept that. But she needs to be honest about immediately. There can be no "stringing me along" for months while I'm completely oblivious to any problems. I think I should tell her this.

I love my wife dearly. There is no doubt in my mind that we will be together for the rest of our lives.