I must admit, I'm having a lot of difficulty getting over this whole event. On average, I would say that once each day, I sit and think about what happened. And the hurt comes flooding back when I do. I wish I could put it all behind me. But it's very hard.
Life isn't all bad. In fact, as far as our marriage goes, it appears to be getting better all the time. When I'm around her, we have a wonderful time. And all these troubles are behind us. It's when I'm alone, at work, or driving in my car, that I sometimes dwell upon what happened. How long will it be before I can stop thinking about it? I don't know. I do believe I will - in time. But that time hasn't come yet.
I still get scared. I get scared that she won't be up front with me again, if another problem arises. I voiced this fear to her recently. At one point, she commented that she was amazed at how quickly she has moved on from the events of last month, and has put it all behind her. I wish I could say the same thing. She had no idea how much it still bothered me. She does now though. I hope I can put it all behind me sooner than later.
But right now, when my mind starts to wander, it still hurts. It hurts a lot.
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